I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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