smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize