I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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