she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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