the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
