you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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