We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
