dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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