The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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