He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
