3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
