By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
