Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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