so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just pee around me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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