Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize