Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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