for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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