strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
