Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
