So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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