being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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