ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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