you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.