After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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