Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.