Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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