You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
