So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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