I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
