I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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