After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
