I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
