The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
