i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize