I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
