you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize