people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
