i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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