Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
