it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
