But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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