My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
