Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
