You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
