once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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