u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
