No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I deserve this hangover.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
