You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
