I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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