just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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