Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
