My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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