Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
