Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
