Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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