Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
