There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
