The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
