Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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