I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
