Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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