I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
