Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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