i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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