took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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